A Situationship Feels Like Holding Your Breath and Pretending It’s Air
Situationships don’t start with deception—they start with chemistry. Two people who like each other but don’t name the thing, either out of caution, timing, fear, or convenience. It begins lightly: late-night texting, inside jokes, shared playlists, the kind of connection that feels too meaningful to be casual but too fragile to declare.
Over time, the unspoken rules become emotional landmines.
You hesitate before asking where they were last night.
You rehearse your messages so you don’t seem “too much.”
You tell your friends you’re “seeing how things go,” even though you’ve been seeing how it goes for months.
You perform a version of ease you don’t feel.
You play it cool to avoid losing something you’re not even sure you have.
You hold your breath, hoping they will be the one to call it love.
But deep down, you know you’re sustaining a connection by shrinking your needs.
The Real Pain Isn’t Uncertainty About Them—It’s the Certainty That You’re Not Being Honest With Yourself
A situationship exposes the quiet, private contradictions you avoid in ordinary dating. You want clarity, but fear demanding it. You want commitment, but fear that asking for it will end the whole thing. You want to be chosen, but worry that revealing your desire will make you seem weak.
So you stay.
Suspended.
Performing chill while hiding the ache.
The truth is: you know more than you admit.
You see the gaps between their words and actions.
You clock the delayed replies, the emotional evasiveness, the absence of future language.
You feel the distance, even when you’re physically close.
People don’t stay in situationships because they don’t see the truth—they stay because naming the truth would require accepting they want more than the other person is offering.
Honesty isn’t the problem.
Hope is.
The Most Dangerous Part of a Situationship Is How It Teaches You to Live on Emotional Rations
When you love someone who offers only half-affection, you begin rationing your needs. You convince yourself you don’t need consistency, just attention. You don’t need commitment, just chemistry. You don’t need clarity, just connection. You accept crumbs and treat them like a feast because the alternative is having nothing at all.
This is how people in situationships shrink:
You stop asking questions.
You stop initiating deeper conversations.
You stop mentioning your preferences.
You stop dreaming too loudly.
You stop imagining the future.
You become careful with your own heart, as if its needs are a liability.
And slowly, without meaning to, you build an identity around being “low-maintenance” when the truth is that your heart is starving.
What You Do Next Isn’t About Them—It’s About Who You Are When You’re Not Afraid of Losing Someone
Every situationship eventually reaches a point where the silence becomes louder than the connection. Where pretending becomes exhausting. Where emotional ambiguity becomes a form of self-abandonment.
The question isn’t “What do they want?”
It’s “What happens to you when you keep accepting less than you need?”
Do you stay and hope they evolve?
Or do you step back and see how much of this ache you’ve been normalizing?
The way out isn’t confrontation or ultimatums—it’s clarity about yourself.
What do you want?
Do you want a relationship?
Do you want reciprocity?
Do you want someone who meets you with certainty instead of caution?
Because the moment you decide you want more, the situationship stops being sustainable. Not because they change—but because you finally do.
And that clarity, more than any conversation, is what moves you forward.
FAQ
How do I know if I’m in a situationship?
If the relationship has emotional intimacy but no clarity, consistency, or shared expectations, you’re likely in a situationship.
Should I ask them where things are going?
Yes—but only after you’re clear about what you want, not what you hope they’ll say.
Why does a situationship hurt more than casual dating?
Because the emotional connection feels real while the commitment remains uncertain, creating a sense of imbalance and longing.
Can a situationship turn into a real relationship?
It can, but only if both people have compatible intentions and communicate openly—not if one person silently sacrifices their needs.
How do I leave a situationship I’m attached to?
By acknowledging that attachment isn’t the same as compatibility, and by choosing your emotional safety over the fantasy of potential.
References
- Psychology Today — The Rise of the Situationship
- Healthline — What Is a Situationship?
- Verywell Mind — Why Situationships Are Becoming More Common
- MindBodyGreen — Understanding Situationships